hi dear self.
In this blog, I always expressing my (stuck-feeling) over someone.
And now, is the time I am writing for myself. This is a reflection and a reminder for you, my soul.
Dear self.
I apologize for not putting you first, and putting them. Or I even prioritize them more than you.
I apologize of letting them judge you. I apologize for letting you down and doing nothing.
I apologize for not allowing myself to forgive you. I truly apologize to you, my dear.
Forgive me.
Forgive me for believing other's word more than your voice.
Forgive me when someone said that's something wrong with you and I believe it.
Forgive me cs I'm loving them more than loving you.
Forgive me of non-stop hurting you all over again.
I still remember when the day that you really feel so down, and you're still trying to find out, the reason of waking up back. And then, you did; I am proud.
But still I never appreciate myself of being better. I forgot to praise to myself. What I am just doing is expecting more and more. I never have an empathy to myself.
After all, it is just... them them them and them.
I am sorry that you tried so desperately to fix others, when your own hands were shaking. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough time to heal, that I let you seal the wounds of everyone else whilst your own were bleeding. I'm sorry there were days when smiling hurt but you forced yourself to laugh so that no one had to worry about you. I'm sorry that you gave all of your time and effort to people that didn't give the same amount back. I'm sorry that there were nights when you cried yourself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. And I am so sorry that I did not love you, like you deserved to be loved.
This is my hope for you.
I hope you feel love to extent that it overtakes your soul, your heart, your mind. I hope that you cry at the beauty of knowing you are loved and at the beauty of loving others. I hope you laugh, and smile sincerely from your very bottom heart. I hope you sit in the silences and hurt in the horror of life, where you feel so broken you know you couldn't break more. I wish no more heart broken. I know you have been through it so hard, even if I can't deny, there's a turning point of you making a best revenge by creating your high achievement, but please they don't deserve your golden heart, your kindness soul. They just don't. I hope you will dance cheerfully and you will fight; you know when to do which. I hope you keep walking. I hope you know where you were for more. I hope you are grateful for every moment of your life as they come and they go. Please, know that now you have so many people that really really really love you as much as you love them too.
Listen dear self.
Let me tell you- you are going to find the things that make you feel free. You're going to fall into the deepest love- with another human being, and with yourself. You are going to discover the things that fill you with the purpose, the thing that will make you rise every morning. You are going to feel hope cracking within all of the dark the past has buried within you. You are going to uncover all of that light. You're going to be okay. You're going to figure things out. But you must understand that there is no set timeline for this kind of discovery. Whatever it is, just give it a time. Be gentle to yourself, don't suffer yourself anymore. Yourself are doing hard and best for yourself. You know this feeling?
It is okay to walk alone for awhile but still wondering why you keep reaching for a spare hand to hold. Knowing that being alone is not lonely, but why does it feel that way sometimes? Knowing that you can express all and every kindness to yourself, just as much as any other person could express to you. Knowing that your love is enough. Please stop thinking about others and start thinking about yourself too.
Please just keep going. Everything that is meant to be yours. It will come.
This is some of my hope for you, to forgive, to love, to fight, that you know that you matter, you are important, you're needed, you're extravagant, you are insignificant, you are you and no one is a you. That above all you were born loved and you are loved and will be in every step of this story you are breathing every day.
Future self,
I don't want you to be different from yourself now. Because you just did great, very great. You just being you and I appreciated of every single effort you were trying to make others happy more than you do. I am proud that you've been grew up very very very well. Please don't ever change just because of others' perception because you know why? You're solid. But tell yourself that always trying to be better, but not because you want to be better than someone else. Mold into your own shape, but not in the same mold everyone uses to grow. Aim in the direction that your path follows, but not what your friends follow. Allow yourself to have setback, but do not be scared of what set you back in the first place. See the same goal that I have today, but not the same spot that I am looking at it for now. I want to recognize you, but not feel as if I am looking in a mirror once again. I know you will be humble, but not crumble under the pressure that your past self has put on you.
Dear self, you will thrive sat your very own pace as a winner of your own race, but not win to gain glory of fame. I will see you, but not physically or in present time. In that time, you will exceed what I have dreamed for years, but do not forget me because I am where you started and the voice of encouragement in your ears and your mind.
Love,
Yourself, Asna.
In this blog, I always expressing my (stuck-feeling) over someone.
And now, is the time I am writing for myself. This is a reflection and a reminder for you, my soul.
Dear self.
I apologize for not putting you first, and putting them. Or I even prioritize them more than you.
I apologize of letting them judge you. I apologize for letting you down and doing nothing.
I apologize for not allowing myself to forgive you. I truly apologize to you, my dear.
Forgive me.
Forgive me for believing other's word more than your voice.
Forgive me when someone said that's something wrong with you and I believe it.
Forgive me cs I'm loving them more than loving you.
Forgive me of non-stop hurting you all over again.
I still remember when the day that you really feel so down, and you're still trying to find out, the reason of waking up back. And then, you did; I am proud.
But still I never appreciate myself of being better. I forgot to praise to myself. What I am just doing is expecting more and more. I never have an empathy to myself.
After all, it is just... them them them and them.
I am sorry that you tried so desperately to fix others, when your own hands were shaking. I'm sorry that I didn't give you enough time to heal, that I let you seal the wounds of everyone else whilst your own were bleeding. I'm sorry there were days when smiling hurt but you forced yourself to laugh so that no one had to worry about you. I'm sorry that you gave all of your time and effort to people that didn't give the same amount back. I'm sorry that there were nights when you cried yourself to sleep and no one bothered to understand why. And I am so sorry that I did not love you, like you deserved to be loved.
This is my hope for you.
I hope you feel love to extent that it overtakes your soul, your heart, your mind. I hope that you cry at the beauty of knowing you are loved and at the beauty of loving others. I hope you laugh, and smile sincerely from your very bottom heart. I hope you sit in the silences and hurt in the horror of life, where you feel so broken you know you couldn't break more. I wish no more heart broken. I know you have been through it so hard, even if I can't deny, there's a turning point of you making a best revenge by creating your high achievement, but please they don't deserve your golden heart, your kindness soul. They just don't. I hope you will dance cheerfully and you will fight; you know when to do which. I hope you keep walking. I hope you know where you were for more. I hope you are grateful for every moment of your life as they come and they go. Please, know that now you have so many people that really really really love you as much as you love them too.
Listen dear self.
Let me tell you- you are going to find the things that make you feel free. You're going to fall into the deepest love- with another human being, and with yourself. You are going to discover the things that fill you with the purpose, the thing that will make you rise every morning. You are going to feel hope cracking within all of the dark the past has buried within you. You are going to uncover all of that light. You're going to be okay. You're going to figure things out. But you must understand that there is no set timeline for this kind of discovery. Whatever it is, just give it a time. Be gentle to yourself, don't suffer yourself anymore. Yourself are doing hard and best for yourself. You know this feeling?
It is okay to walk alone for awhile but still wondering why you keep reaching for a spare hand to hold. Knowing that being alone is not lonely, but why does it feel that way sometimes? Knowing that you can express all and every kindness to yourself, just as much as any other person could express to you. Knowing that your love is enough. Please stop thinking about others and start thinking about yourself too.
Please just keep going. Everything that is meant to be yours. It will come.
This is some of my hope for you, to forgive, to love, to fight, that you know that you matter, you are important, you're needed, you're extravagant, you are insignificant, you are you and no one is a you. That above all you were born loved and you are loved and will be in every step of this story you are breathing every day.
Future self,
I don't want you to be different from yourself now. Because you just did great, very great. You just being you and I appreciated of every single effort you were trying to make others happy more than you do. I am proud that you've been grew up very very very well. Please don't ever change just because of others' perception because you know why? You're solid. But tell yourself that always trying to be better, but not because you want to be better than someone else. Mold into your own shape, but not in the same mold everyone uses to grow. Aim in the direction that your path follows, but not what your friends follow. Allow yourself to have setback, but do not be scared of what set you back in the first place. See the same goal that I have today, but not the same spot that I am looking at it for now. I want to recognize you, but not feel as if I am looking in a mirror once again. I know you will be humble, but not crumble under the pressure that your past self has put on you.
Dear self, you will thrive sat your very own pace as a winner of your own race, but not win to gain glory of fame. I will see you, but not physically or in present time. In that time, you will exceed what I have dreamed for years, but do not forget me because I am where you started and the voice of encouragement in your ears and your mind.
Love,
Yourself, Asna.
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| Hold until the end okay? |
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